I’m sad to say that today’s ultrasound did not give me good news.  The baby has not grown since the last ultrasound, and there was no heartbeat.  I’m an having another miscarriage.

I will not dwell on the sadness.  Instead I have been praising God for His love, His comfort, and all of the blessings He has already given me.  I have a beautiful daughter.  A wonderful husband.  We are healthy, and happy.

God IS GOOD ♥

I acknowledge that God is sovereign, and all-knowing.  A sparrow does not fall to the ground without His consent (Matthew 10:29-30), a hair does not leave my head without His noting. He knows. And I can fully trust that for some reason which I may never understand, He has lovingly allowed this occurrence.  He is Good.  Trustworthy.  Wise.

I’m thankful. I will meditate on the excellence of His blessings in my life. There are too many to count. The blessings that I see, and those that I don’t. My husband, and daughter that He has already gifted me.  My heart overflows with thanksgiving for it all.

I will be compassionate.  I can offer compassion to others who are experiencing the hardship and heartache of miscarriage, and can point the suffering to the God of all Comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

I will forge ahead.  It will take time. My baby will not be forgotten as my life continues.  He will forever be embedded in my heart, and in God’s Heaven.  I need to continue running the race towards the prize that God has called us heavenward (Philippians 3:13-14).

I will grow in the Lord. There are lessons here to be learned. Lessons of faith and trust that God intended for me to learn through my grief. I will take time to think, ponder, and pray.  I will tune in to what He is doing in my heart, and what His will for me is.

I have hope. There is hope. My hope is in the Lord,  (Psalm 42:11),  in His promises to me, and in His Word.

I have Joy. The joy of the Lord is my strength.  He has been ever-faithful every step of the way.  He has not left or forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5). Even in the midst of this… I will rejoice.

 

One day,  I will see my babies in Heaven.  For now I will laugh and play with my baby girl and continue thanking God every single day for the rest of my life for giving Aaron and me such a funny, happy, beautiful daughter.

 

Thank you, Lord, for my life, and Your love.  Wherever you lead, I will follow ♥

 

Baby Update

We had our first ultrasound on Thursday.  It was not what we expected.  The baby could not be seen on the ultrasound through my belly, so they took an ultrasound vaginally.  The baby was not measuring at 8 weeks old, but instead 5 weeks and 6 days old.   When the fetus is this small, the heartbeat cannot yet be picked up on the ultrasound.   The doctor said that either my due date has been miscalculated, or I’m in the early stages of a miscarriage.

I believe they have miscalculated the age of the fetus by almost 3 weeks.  What they did not take into account when estimating my due date is that I don’t get my period every 28 days like most women.  My periods are every 35 to 42 days, so I ovulate much later than most women.  When I informed the doctor that my cycle is 35 to 42 days, then he said, “Ok, if that’s the case then the fetus should be just shy of 6 weeks.”

Since I have been trying to conceive, I’ve been using an app that logs my menstrual cycles, estimated dates I ovulate, and times we have sex.  Looking through my app I noticed that August 29 must have been the day we conceived because that would put the baby at exactly 5 weeks and 6 days old on the day of my ultrasound.  So I do believe the due date has just been miscalculated, and I’m just not as far along as they assumed.   I have had some minor spotting a couple times, but they said that was normal.  They also said that the fetus looks perfectly normal for 5 weeks and 6 days old.

They still wanted to be sure it is not an early miscarriage so I had blood taken after the ultrasound to check my HCG levels, and on Saturday I had blood drawn again to make sure that my HCG levels were rising normally which would indicate the baby is growing normally and is fine.  If the HCG levels drop, this can indicate an early miscarriage.  I got the results back and my HCG levels are barely rising.  They are suppose to double every 48 hours.  My first blood draw showed my HCG levels at around 56,000… and my second blood draw showed my HCG levels at around 68,000.  My doctor said she is not very optimistic, BUT not to lose hope.  I will have another ultrasound next week to see if the fetus is growing, and if there is a heartbeat.

To be honest, I am worried.  I realize, due to my age, that this could be another miscarriage.  I’ve also lost some of my pregnancy symptoms.  The nausea has went away, and I’m not as fatigued.  Despite all of this, we are fervently praying for a healthy baby.  Please, please say a prayer for us.

So… I should be 6 weeks pregnant, but I won’t post another belly pic until we have more information.  For now, I will post a video of Faith playing in the yard with her Daddy ♥

 

 

8 Weeks and Nesting Already!

I am now 8 weeks pregnant, and yes, nesting has already begun.  This past weekend I was able to get my homework finished early, so Aaron and I spent Saturday cleaning out our storage barn.  We couldn’t even walk in our mini barn, it was so bad.  Aaron put up pegboard and shelving, and now have reclaimed the floor space.  It took all day long.  I started at 9:30 am and Aaron was still out there by 8:30 pm.

Here is an idea of what it looks like now…

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We still have a bit more cleaning and organizing to do in the barn, but that will have to wait until next weekend.  In the meantime, my house NEEDS to be cleaned!  I will spend the week cleaning and organizing and throwing out stuff to make space for the baby.  I’ve already begun washing the curtains (they are so dusty).  Next, all of the windows need to be cleaned (inside and outside).  I have the entire garage to clean and organize.  Many of Faith’s toys and clothes need to be given away.  There is just so much to do!  I feel the need to start right away because I’m afraid as the weeks go by, I will become more nauseous and fatigued during my pregnancy.

As for my pregnancy… I have been feeling ok.  I’m nauseous, usually after I eat, but have not yet puked.  When I was pregnant with Faith, I was severely nauseous by the time I was 7 weeks pregnant, whether I ate or not.  And the nausea and vomiting did not let up until 4 months later!   With this pregnancy,  the nausea is mild, and it passes.  I’m also very fatigued, but again, not as bad as I was with Faith.  I remember when I was a couple months pregnant with Faith I was trying to decorate my Christmas tree, and I had to sit down every few minutes because I was so exhausted I felt faint!  I seriously could not function at all when I was pregnant with Faith.  Thank goodness I don’t feel that miserable with this pregnancy.

I’ve read before that women are usually very nauseous and sick if they are carrying girls, but it’s not as bad if you’re carrying a boy.  Hmmm :)  Well I definitely was miserable when I was pregnant with Faith, and now this pregnancy has, so far, been very tolerable.  We are hoping for a boy.

My second prenatal appointment is this Thursday.  Because I am 38 years old, I am considered to have a “high risk” pregnancy.  So I will have a blood test on Thursday that will test for genetic disorders.  This is a new blood test that wasn’t out when I was pregnant with Faith.  It tests for Down Syndrome, Trisomy 13, Turner’s Syndrome, and something else that I can’t remember.  The test is 98% accurate.  This test also can count the number of chromosomes in the fetal DNA, so it will tell me if we’re having a boy or girl early.  I won’t have to wait until I’m 5 months pregnant to find out the sex.  We will find out in just a couple weeks!  Please keep us in your prayers. We are praying that the blood test indicates a healthy baby.  I do worry because of my age.  However, I am fully prepared to accept whatever the Lord has planned for us.  If the blood test indicates that our child has a genetic disorder, we will have plenty of time to prepare for our child and his/her needs.

 

8 weeks pregnant!

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