Oh where to begin…
So much has happened over the summer, so much. This is why I have not written a single post since Faith’s birthday party. I’m so sorry about that.
Shortly after Faith’s birthday party I was feeling a bit restless. My fall classes had not yet begun, and the craziness of Faith’s birthday preparations were behind me. Being a stay at home mom, I guess I was looking for more to do besides the daily chores and such. I remember one night during prayer I asked God, “Make me more useful to you, Lord. Is there more I can do for you?”
A few days later I was given the opportunity to work as a preschool teacher! I will be getting my Early Childhood Education degree in 2015… but hey, I was given the opportunity to teach NOW! So I talked it over with my husband, and figured that I could teach part-time, be home in the afternoon, and still manage to take my classes in the evening. I was so excited to accept the job! Finally a preschool teacher! And the best part? … my daughter would get to be in my class!!! How could I say no? Faith would be by my side; she would be learning so much, and I would be gaining teaching experience!
Once I accepted the job, I was crazy busy for the rest of the summer preparing my preschool classroom before school began. I organized all of the toys, and I decorated the classroom and bulletin boards with back-to-school decorations, and it was just so much fun!
Faith was SO EXCITED on her first day of Preschool!
The first couple weeks of preschool were a blast for me and Faith! We sang so many songs, and learned our colors, shapes, letters, numbers, and Bible verses. The kids are so much fun. Now, of course the classroom was very chaotic during those first couple weeks while the children adjusted to the daily routine, but still…. SO MUCH FUN! A preschool teacher!… ME! And my daughter, enjoying her very first preschool experience! I was filled with so much joy!!!
After two weeks of teaching, my own classes at Ivy Tech started back up for the fall. Immediately I was swamped with a very large workload. I would have been able to tackle it if my husband were home in the evenings, but Aaron has been working in Ohio every week (he is a construction worker), and we both were assuming he would have had that job completed by now. He is only home on the weekends. So when Friday evening came around, Aaron was home caring for Faith, doing dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, mowing the lawn, etc… while I locked myself in the office and tried to catch up on all of my homework. It was very stressful and upsetting because I long to see my husband on the weekends. Spending week after week without him, all summer long, was making me very sad. And now that my classes have begun, my weekends have been devoted to my homework instead of my hubby… so it’s very rare to have a brief moment with him before he is gone again for the week.
Since Aaron wasn’t home during the week, it was becoming impossible for me to teach preschool, then come home and do homework. Homework had to wait. Faith needed to have dinner. Laundry had to be done, and the dishes, too. Faith needed her bath before bed. There were bills to pay, and grocery shopping to do. And our dog, Rocky… he was lucky if I remembered to feed him and let him outside once in a while. By the time I was able to sit down at my desk and do homework, it was very late. Some nights I was just too exhausted to stay up. My brain just couldn’t cope with “Read up on proposed Immigration Bills to Congress. Tell me which bills you read and give a brief six line summary of the main points of each bill. Then write your own bill restricting immigration into this country. Write the guidelines you would want immigrants to follow and why.” Or, “For EACH of the following disability categories, research 5 Adaptive Equipment items that will be used to accommodate the child. Locate, evaluate and recommend items that may be in a child’s Individual Education Plan. The categories are 1.) Communication Disorder, 2.) Autism Spectrum Disorder, 3.) Vision Impairment, 4.) Emotional/Behavioral Disorder, and 5.)Orthopedic Impairment.” This is just too much to do at 9 pm, especially when I have to be up by 6am for Preschool.
I was beginning to have doubts that I could successfully continue on this way for much longer. I was already behind on some of my assignments. This was very upsetting to me because I have a 3.9 GPA and I really do not want to see my grades plummet. The weekends did not give me enough time to finish my homework because I also needed the weekends to prepare next week’s Preschool curriculum for the class. I have to prepare materials for their arts and crafts projects; many things to cut out, etc. This was eating away at my time needed for studying and homework, but my preschool curriculum NEEDED to be done before Monday. I couldn’t try and prepare next week’s curriculum during preschool class because 2 and 3 year olds need my FULL attention. I had no choice but to get it done at home on the weekends.
All the while, I am missing my hubby, wishing he was home. I’ve become so overwhelmed. I realized something’s gotta give. I talked with Aaron about dropping my classes so I would have less on my plate. He suggested I didn’t because I only have 6 more classes left to take towards my degree. I only have one year left. If I were to drop classes for the year so I can continue teaching Preschool, then by this time next year, instead of graduating, I will have another year to go. I agree with Aaron that it would be silly to delay graduation now when I’m almost done. Also, Aaron has been SO PATIENT with me during my time in college. I have been taking classes since 2008. I remember one semester while taking Algebra, I locked myself in the office all semester long. Algebra was so hard, and Aaron barely saw me. I ended up with an A, and I was so proud of that… but that semester was very tough, and I’m grateful Aaron has been so patient and supportive during all of this. He is just as ready as I am to graduate … I think he’s even more excited than me :)
It all boiled down to what I was dreading to do. I had to quit teaching for now. My heart and mind has revolved around preschool since I accepted the job. I am constantly talking with Aaron about the kids in my class. I love seeing them each day. I have always dreamed of being a teacher, and this was my dream job. It’s exactly as I was expecting it to be. Fun, hard work, but so fulfilling! My heart was breaking. I explained my situation to the school and worked for two more weeks. Last week was my last week :( I am very thankful to the teachers there who understood. They have been wonderful friends and mentors, and in my short time there I have already learned so much. They’ve really inspired me. There is only so much you can learn through textbooks. The real learning is the hands-on experience and the well-seasoned teachers to share their wisdom and give guidance. I cried on my last day. I hope to return their in the future.
Shortly after informing the school that we needed to find a replacement for me, I found out I was pregnant!
Yes, pregnant! This explains why I’ve been so exhausted. Working, taking classes, doing chores, caring for Faith, and all the while a baby has been growing in my belly! I already had my first prenatal appointment, and so far everything is good! Praise God! I am 7 weeks pregnant. I will be posting weekly pregnancy updates (with belly pics) just like I did with Faith, only this time Faith will be in the pictures with me! You will get to see her grow right along with my belly as the months go by! So come back to my blog weekly for new posts!
Looking back on my prayer, I learned something very important. I asked God to make me more useful, and now I understand what He was trying to teach me throughout this whole experience. I am useful to Him. The Lord gave me a home for a reason. He gave me a husband for a reason. He gave me a daughter for a reason. And now He has even blessed us with another child! He has given me such awesome responsibility already, and through serving my family, I am serving Him.
There is a time and season for everything. The Lord knows my love for children, and I believe I will have my heart’s desire to be a teacher someday, but for now I will bunker down with my books, my baby girl, and my baby-to-be, and enjoy the times when my husband is home with us… and above all, I will praise God for the blessings He has given me ♥